‘Dickpression’, which premiered at the Camden Fringe in August, is a monologue comedy show written and performed by Katerina Robinson – one half of the excellent Kat and Kat (‘Lads’/’The Whoreing Twenties’).
What does “Dickpression” mean? My first guess was the impression you leave when you press your willy against a window with condensation on it. But no: “Dickpression” is a simple portmanteau that describes, in Robinson’s words, “when you’re depressed due to the lack of dick you’ve had.” It’s Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues meets unsolicited Snapchat dick pics.
On Robinson’s Instagram account, she gave some insight into the origins of ‘Dickpression’: “In lockdown number 1 I ended up making a sketch called “Dickpression” out of feeling lonely, bored and dickless! I have now decided to develop it into a new stand-up set” – that stand-up set has now been recorded to camera, resulting in this richly aesthetic comedy special.
‘Dickpression’ is Robinson’s self-help guide for those of modern dating means, who are suffering from a lack of action in the bedroom. Loaded with key terms to help define your condition, such as being in “pussy poverty” (when your… erm… lady parts are poor) or its remedy, a “dick appointment” (meaningless sex with a stranger), ‘Dickpression’ will help guide the Tinder generation through the hard times of enforced lockdown celibacy, or simply a lack of penis.
Robinson is particularly thorough in her suggestions for acquiring a “dick appointment”. Her prime suggestion is by setting what is known as a “thirst trap”. A ‘thirst trap’ is essentially a sexy picture uploaded to your dating app or social account with the intention of luring in a sexual partner – it’s the online dating equivalent of a zoo keeper tying a chicken carcass to the end of a big stick and dangling over the crocodile enclosure: best jumper wins the meat.
One of the biggest laughs of the show comes with Robinson’s second ‘thirst trap’ suggestion: the creation of an Only Fans account. I won’t give the joke away, but I will say I would like to have heard a bit more about wattage and carbon efficiency in this section. You will have to check it out to know what I mean…
In the show, Robinson offers further advice for ‘dickpressed’ people who have thankfully managed to secure the illusive ‘dick appointment’. Robinson is very thorough here, and to great comedic effect. She concludes this bit with a personal anecdote: again, I won’t go in to detail, mainly because talking about sex makes me hyperventilate, but there is some excellent advice about cheese sandwiches that could prove invaluable to any ‘dick appointment’ attendees.
The go-home message from Robinson is that the world of meaningless sex with strangers obtained by setting traps on the internet, off the back of enforced lockdown celibacy can be a tumultuous affair – and an affair some need guidance through. But, as she states, “it’s a rollercoaster she is willing to ride”.
For those of us who are unwilling to even ride a bus because of how filthy we know most of the general public to be, ‘Dickpression’ may seem like an exotic condition unlikely to become a priority on the smorgasbord of mental health areas needing upkeep. But for all you young and adventurous rough-and-tumblers out there, this show is well written, well performed, and could just save you from some unnecessarily sticky situations.
Follow Katerina’s road to dickpression recovery here!
Original ‘Dickpression in Isolation’ sketch here!