Features

FEATURE: ‘The Offended’ by Kloof

Look at them there, The Offended; faces poised at a pre-frown. Their damnable eyebrows itching to furrow at the utterance of the latest taboo. They live for it like slugs live for the lettuce of hard-grafting farmers. Their beady eyes scan and scope as their chubby fingers scroll: “I hate fat…” says one half of a tweet; they scroll on with glee at the chance… “I hate fatigue. Ran 8 miles this morning and I’m fucked” – oops better luck next time. But wait! “This bastard ran 8 miles? Is he trying to make me feel bad about being sat on this sofa for 8 months straight having only moved my 8 toes to get another 8-pack of crisps from the kitchen? THAT IS DISCRIMINATION! BOMB HIM!!!” They love the thrill of having a purpose, of course they do – it’s the same thrill we all get from all our purposes. The thrill you or I get from seeing our business take off, or seeing your six pack finally emerge out of your once-bulbous gut; the thrill of being a double-leg amputee with prosthetic legs and running 8 miles at five in the morning, in preparation for the marathon that you’re going to smash, or when you’re stood atop Kangchenjunga taking that everlasting selfie after six month’s prep and a two-week expedition – that is the same feeling The Offended receive from claiming to be offended. It’s a feeling of empowerment derived from someone you hate being crumpled on the floor at your feet. And empowerment breeds self-worth. But self-worth derived from empowerment derived from unjust means is merely a flimsy Elastoplast for their deep insecurities that will never heal this way. Your weakness. Your cowardice. Your cretinous…ness. To be offended is to be out of control. An outside event has touched you inside, and one can only be touched inside with a weak shell. And here is their greatest ploy: make the world think it is okay to be weak, to be sensitive, delicate, emotional, unstable. They say the devil’s greatest trick was in convincing the world he didn’t exist. Others say god’s greatest trick was in convincing the world he did exist. Whatever the case may be, The Offended have convinced the world that being a weakling is something to be proud of, something to cherish, something to share with your online forums with all the other weaklings and weakling-enablers. Oh, see and hear them roar in self-congratulating applause at the fall of another generally decent person. Being weak, being susceptible to offence, should not be the catalyst for seeking out all those who could potentially offend and waiting for them to speak so you can indeed be offended. Being weak should be the catalyst for becoming strong. But The Weak, The Offended, do not want to be The Strong, because being strong means looking within. Being strong means grabbing that little shit that dwells inside you – your personal Gollum – and throwing him into the volcanic lava of Mount Doom! And then replacing him with your own personal Frodo: brave, intrepid, and small enough to fit inside the average human body. Being weak, being offended, is to succumb to your personal Gollum – he’s in all of us and he wants us all to be shit. It is the insistence that someone else is responsible for your problems, your weaknesses, your offendedness. The reason you are offended is not because someone has been offensive, but because you were susceptible, welcoming even, of being offended. You asked for it, you begged for it, and you got it. And what did you get out of it? Did you rid the world of offence? Nope. You admitted to the world that you still haven’t fixed yourself or made yourself strong, and you still lay festering in your unchecked emotions, lashing out at everyone who triggers them like a weak, offended Gollum-hosting fool. But it goes deeper… not only have the weak convinced the world that is not just okay but good to be weak, they have convinced the world that it is bad to be strong! To be physically mighty, aggressively ambitious and successful because of it; to be mentally impervious to offence – these are traits of evil in the mind of the overly-powerful weak! The Offended can’t bare the sight of The Strong because it reminds them how incredibly pathetic they are in comparison. Yet, somehow, they have become strong in their weakness, The Offended. Now their opinions are valid, their demands are met, their weaknesses are pandered to. And normal, decent people suffer because of it! Again, instead of trying to make themselves as strong as the strongest, and becoming at least somewhat strong in the process, they demonise the strong because its saves them from having to get off the sofas of their mind! The Weak, The Offended, are The Lazy, The Embittered. The cowards who refuse to fight the toughest fight they will ever face – their own weaknesses – in favour of picking fights with people who make mistakes, miscalculate, momentarily drop the ball, or who are intentionally offensive because they are tired of The Weak getting away with it. It’s time to push back. The Strong are not The Strong for no reason. The Strong are The Strong because they are strong. And in a contest between The Strong and The Weak, there is only on winner – unless the strong allow the weak to prevail (which is the current case). THE STRONG: we must protect ourselves against impending doom; they are trying to take our comedy, our freedom of expression (ironically), our autonomous thoughts! As The Strong, it is our duty to not destroy the weak, but help them to become strong, too. It is our duty to help destroy the mentality of weakness favoured by The Weak that makes them feel powerful. To be strong is to help those around you become strong, too. No matter how opposed to the hard work it takes to get there The Weak happen to be.

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